I usually invent something about once a week. Oh, I don’t do anything about it, I just think about what my invention would be like and then I say something like, “I just invented a portable microwave,” and that’s that.

I decided to make a list of as many of these things as I could think of. I’m fairly detached about them, but also excited: that is, it’s obvious that these things should be invented, but I’m obviously not the one to do that, so if somebody wants to take my ideas and invent them for real, please do so, just remember this blog entry when you do, so people will say, “Oh yes, that Kevan fellow invented all those things.”

Here’s my list of Things That Should Be Invented But Haven’t Been Yet:

1. DIGITAL PAPER

Xerox was working on this – they had a commercial on TV about 5 years ago, encouraging people to imagine it. Here’s my version: It’s paper that serves as a computer screen. You use a two-button pen to interact with it. Let’s say you’ve got a typed document in front of you: just tap where you want to edit, and you can make changes in your handwriting. It converts it back to typed text.

2. FULL-SURFACE SPEAKERS

I’m fairly certain I once saw these advertised, too – if you remember, please send me the link. From the line-out of your audio device, you have one “speaker pad” that resembles a single defibrillator pad. Affix it to ANY SURFACE (a wall, a rock, the ground) and it will utilize the material vibrations present in the surface to transmit sound from your device, and turn that same surface into a giant speaker.

3. INFINITE MEMORY

Face it, the concept of “storage space” in a digital environment should soon become obsolete. Infinite memory is just as it sounds: no storage limitations, no gigabytes, no nothing. Oh, memory still exists, but it’s be available without limits because of the technology on which it’s recorded. Additionally, it should be super cheap. For instance, hard drives and USB memory sticks should hover at a constant price of about $10 - $20, with consumers paying strictly for the “cool packaging.”

4. WIRELESS ELECTRICITY

Why are we still plugging devices into walls, and relying on batteries? Let’s develop electricity that is accessible using some kind of antennae device. Wind power, solar power? Sure, those are viable options. What it comes down to is that “electric power” is available to be plucked out of mid-air, kind of like Wi-Fi works now. Just make sure we don’t get electrocuted by wearing earrings or something.

5. WIRELESS SPEAKERS

Here’s how it looks: speakers positioned at any point in your house can pick up on a secure signal transmitted from your audio device, and play music. No audio cables required, and no complicated technical set-up, either. I guess Apple’s already done this with that whole AirPort thing, and it also kind of contradicts my “full-surface speakers” notion. But hey, it’s still an okay idea.

6. THE SUPER-THIN TOUCH-SCREEN “EVERYTHING” CARD

It’s already pretty obvious that the “next-generation hand-held device” is going to be an all-in-one device. Kinda like that iPhone thing we’ve been hearing about. That’s what this is, only more significant. Imagine: this device has the dimensions of a credit card. The entire card is an interactive touch-screen, made of virtually unbreakable materials. The device has up to 80 gigs of memory (just for now, until infinite memory is developed), and can serve any or all of these functions at the same time:

Mobile phone
MP3 player
Gaming device
Blackberry/Palm Pilot/Treo
Still & Video Camera
Portable hard drive
Credit card, debit card and points card (payment and rewards system)

That’s right, you pay for groceries with it, you listen to music, play games, conduct business, transport data…anything that needs to be done. With the touch screen, there’s no need for a keyboard or a pen. The card widens at the end to provide enough width for a single in-and-out port that serves as headphones jack/USB connection/power supply.

I realize with this one, I’ve just invented the Mark of the Beast. Please forgive me.