The Internet is like an enormous walk-in dumpster filled with discarded lamps, stale bakery leftovers and damaged umbrellas, newspapers and old bicycles, disgusting leaks from thrown-out pop cans, broken TVs, confidential banking records, free iPods and dented cans of spam. Many people willingly tolerate the wretched stench from the dumpster and the dirty looks they get from their loved ones, and spend many hours rooting through the precarious mounds of trash looking for treasure. Once they find it, they either sell it on eBay or post it somewhere else on the Internet. It’s quite the productive circle-of-life, really.

Anyway, as you know, I’ve been sporting the uniform a seasoned Internet salvage king for some time now, and I trust you’ve trained yourself to check in with me first to see what’s new in the landfill. Today, I bring you a fascinating collection of excellent discoveries which will make you wiggle all over with excitement. Please, take a look:

Item #1: The Corpse Flower is blooming

Speaking of incredibly smelly things that are still somehow captivating, the Botanical Conservatory of the University of California has been cultivating a rare flower called “The Corpse Flower” for over 15 years, and it has just recently started to bloom. The awkwardly beautiful plant got its actual name (Amorphophallus titanium) from the Ancient Greek word for penis, and the resemblance is uncanny: the flower does bear a striking resemblance to the male phallus…crossed with a giant purple fungus. This is an enormous flower, and it’s actually really cool. How could it NOT be? Do you see how many elements of coolness are in this flower’s favour? It’s called “The Corpse Flower,” it’s been growing for 15 years, it’s enormous, it’s shaped like a penis, and it stinks really, really bad. Check it out, on the Conservatory’s site and on Wikipedia.

Item #2: Same-scale subway systems of the world

This is a rad visualization tool: with 1 pixel representing 7 km of track, an enterprising web user has generated to-scale, same-scale maps of various subway systems across the planet. Ranging from complex, haphazard shapes, to remarkably simple systems, this page is super fascinating. Vancouver’s SkyTrain system is even on here! From above, it’s shaped vaguely like an SUV traveling up a mountain. That’s compared to, say, Boston, which looks like a headless stick-man running away from a spear. Awesome.

Item #3: PSST! Pass It On

Ever played that game with your friends where you start drawing a picture, then pass it on to the next person to continue? This is like that. Only with movies, created by animation and video-making gurus. It’s an incredibly trippy voyage into video madness, with bizarre effects and a medley of nonsensical storylines, from a carrot vs. celery war in the garden to a boy finding another dimension inside his bubble-blowing device. If you’ve got some minutes, you should spend them watching some of these videos.

Item #4: Tornado photos to make you cry

Last Friday, a tornado utterly gutted the town of Greensburg, Kansas, leaving virtually nothing standing. This collection of aerial photos by Jaime Oppenheimer displays the damage. Believe it or not, only 9 people died in this mess.

Item #5: Did they just dig up Herod’s tomb?

Could it be that archaeologists have discovered the burial place of Herod, that vicious old New Testament king who killed all children under the age of 2? South of Jerusalam, atop a flattened hilltop and somewhere within the palace complex, a smashed limestone sarcophagus decorated with ornate rosette has been found. Scholars and historians and diggers alike are clapping their dusty hands with centuries-old joy.

Thank you for attending this informal online museum presentation of things I found in the dumpster that impacted, interested or internetted me. Please return now to your homes and loved ones, and have yourself a nice warm shower.

(End note: I just realized that I came across every single one of these links thanks to the devoted link-blogging the Metafilter people. I must give credit.)